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Rajanikanth Fever – One Liners

1 Nov

Every once in a big big while, there comes this one person, actor and a legend who people just idolize for all the fun he does on camera

These days this idol is Rajanikanth – the undeniably, undisputed king of all comic action flicks that are made in India

Now I am not a fan of him, nor do I idolize him. But like everybody else, I have taken a special liking to his comic action flicks and dialogue scenes. More than that the long running list of Rajanikanth-Idolizing one liners that have taken a leap these days after release of Robot

There are these mails floating around that states “100 things about Rajanikanth”

If you are reading this, I don’t need to tell you to go and read it, as you have already read it. If you haven’t, you have no right to read this post

 

Today after visiting Palladium, I was coming back and sitting in the train I felt like creating some new ones and adding to the list. I know this is a worthless job but it titillates me and made me happy

So here are few of them:

Indian Railways will soon be adding a new bogie to all its trains which will be for ONLY RAJNIKANTH

When rajnikant travels abroad, he doesn’t need a visa. He automatically becomes the citizen of that country

By 2011, McD will start selling McRajani for Rs.-20 and BigBazaar will start selling at "Every day Rajani price"

In 2020 world’s best selling book would be authored by Rajanikanth and it will be called "How to become Rajanikanth"

A hundred years from now, people will fight over a big issue at that time : "The Rajanikanth Janma Bhoomi"

Great Lies in Management – My take on Dilbert Principle

23 May

Currently reading The Dilbert Principle by Scott Adams.
Cutting the crap, would say that this is one bible for fun for all the managers out there.

A slap on the face of corporate culture, this book runs us through the lies and truths that we encounter or rather we have already encountered in our time serving a company.
If you think, you are not an asshole with a big mouth and small brain (and even if you are of this category) read this book.

Quoting from chapter 4 : Great Lies of management

“Your input is important to us”
For a manager, the following equation…
Employee Input = More work = Bad

As a … powerless employee … its fun to give a suggestion like this :
“If you care about the health of the employees, you should ask the CEO to fund research on the effects of fluorescent lights on fertility”

…thouroughly impractical but the manager cannot discard it offhand….


Now look how this sentence can be dissected part by part
If you care (FEELING)about the health ( FEELING about what?)of the employees (for WHOM?)you should ask the CEO ( WHICH UPPER LEVEL? )to fund research ( DO WHAT?)on the effects (what EFFECTS)of flourescent lights ( effects OF what?)on fertility (effect ON what?)

Ever heard of the PIP kind of programmes in a company (hey if PIP is something one the leading IT firm in India has) and one of the items in the performance appraisal goal sheet sometime back was –  how many PIPs have you raised in the last 6 months

So what you can do is to list down possible items for the above dissected parts and create various valuable(?) suggestions for the manager to show.

So we can do some exemplary work here:
FEELING:
care, empathetic, sympathetic, feel, are interested in improving,

FEELING ABOUT WHAT?
health, morale, emotions, food, productivity, proficiency, efficiency, attendance, absence, physical appearance (hot topic eh!!! 🙂 ), etc etc

WHOM?
employees, staff, non working staff(?), furniture, cubicles, computers (:-)), dogs…

WHICH UPPER LEVEL?
CEO, HR head, Policy Head, Recruit Head, yadda yadda yadda

DO WHAT?
fund research, set up a committee, hire professionals, create a team to tackle…, brainstorm ( managers love it), hold a meeting, increase or decrease something(?) of something(?), bla bla

EFFECTS?
(F.O.=find out)

EFFECTS OF ____ ON ____? ( this is the funny part)
OF increased level of sugar in the apple juice being served as a part of the free promotional campaign for the newest sponsor for the company ON level of blood pressure
OF unwanted lices on the old chair ON lowered level of sleep
OF ever changing format of goal sheet ON stability of thinking of the employee
OF bad spam detector ON productivity since most of the time goes in deleting the spam mails in outlook
and so on….

A smart combination of these will definitely give you a horde of suggestions that the manager will outright won’t be able to reject on the grounds of incompetent, as they are very much valid when it comes to those buzzwords you shall be using.

Give it a try…

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Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

11 Jan

A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

“Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

It was not  revealed what grade the student got.