Archive | May, 2011

Mantriji 'Mating' Mein Hain !

31 May

A Mantralaya ( don’t ask me which one – in any case, if you have been to one, you have been to all ).

The peon eyed me from the other side of the glass door. I, from this side. Since no peon opens the door once he is confirmed as a karamchari, he, too, didn’t. I pushed the door. I was in. He wasn’t upset. Since no peon is upset after he is confirmed as a karamchari.

YoursTruly: Mantriji hain ?

Peon: Nahi Hain !

YoursTruly: Kahan hain ?

Peon: Mating mein !

YoursTruly: Kya kaha ?

Peon: kaha na mating mein !

YoursTruly: Par mujhe milna tha ?

Peon: Mating mein kai logon ko milna

tha !

YoursTruly: Meri appointment thi ?

Peon: Mating ki bhi appointment thi !

YoursTruly:Yeh sab kuch toh ghar mein

hota hai ?

Peon: Kyun shak karte ho! hall mein chal

rahi hai mating !

YoursTruly: Kabse ?

Peon: Ab mating hai ! ek ghanta toh

chalegi !

YoursTruly: Dekh sakta hun ?

Peon: Darwaza andhar se bandh hai !

YoursTruly: Kaun, kaun hai andhar ?

Peon: Kuch aadmi hai; kuch aurat hain !

YoursTruly: Roz aise hi hota hai ?

Peon: Kai bar din mein chaar chaar

mating hoti hai !

YoursTruly: Mantriji ki patni ko nahi

pata ?

Peon: Ghar ki baat hai ! Bataane wali kya

baat hai !

YoursTruly: Mantriji ke private

secretary kahan hain ?

Peon:Whobhi mating mein hai ?

YoursTruly: Who kya karte hain

andhar?

Peon: Jo kuch mating mein hota hai, note

karte hain !

YoursTruly: Matlab, dekhte rehte hain ?

Peon: Batate bhi rehte hain kya, kaise

karna hai, kya kehna hai ?

YoursTruly: Mantriji karte bhi hain,

kehte bhi hain ? ?

Peon: Aap samjahdaar hain ! Bina kahe

koi kaise kuch kare !

YoursTruly: Thak jaate honge Mantriji ?

Peon: Sahi farmaya, apne ! Mating se

kaun nahi thakta !

YoursTruly:Yeh sab likh sakte hain naa

hum ?

Peon: Aap sahib log hain ! Likh dijiye

Mantriji mating mein thy !

YoursTruly: Agar yeh pata chal jaata kis

kis se ?

Peon: Likh dijiye, Mantralaya ke afsaron

se !

YoursTruly: Mantriji aur afsaron mein

yeh sab chalta hai ?

Peon: Samay se pehle aur bhagya se

zyada kisko kya milta hai ?

YoursTruly: Sach mein samay badal

gaya hai ?

Peon: Hamare bhi toh bhagya badle hain !

YoursTruly: Mantriji, afsar log, private

secretary aur aap bhi ?

Peon: hum hi andhar jaa sakte hain jab

mating ho rahi hoti hai !

YoursTruly: Sab Mantriji ki hi maante

honge ?

Peon: Bilkul ! Unko khush rakhna zaroori

hai sahib !

YoursTruly:Waise sab kuch hindi mein

hi hota hoga ?

Peon: Beech beech mein angrezi mein

bhi ?

YoursTruly: Acha hum phir intezaar

karte hain ?

Peon:Apse bhi mating ko kaha tha aaj ?

YoursTruly: Kaha toh tha ki aa jaana ?

Peon: Phir mating kar ki hi jayeyega !

YoursTruly: Aur jo sab waiting room

mein baithe hain ?

Peon: Sab mating kar ki hi jayeinge !

YoursTruly: Kuch ladies bhi toh baithee

hain ?

Peon:Whobhi mating ke liye aayee hain

YoursTruly: Kuch toh teen-chaar ki

team mein aayein hain ?

Peon: Mantri ji unke saath bhi mating

kareinge ?

YoursTruly: Matlab ek saath sab ke

saath ?

Peon: Mantriji ko kaafi anubhav hai !

YoursTruly:Aur private secretary yahan

bhi batate rehtein hain ?

Peon: Unka kaam hai bhai ! woh hi fix

karte hain kahan kya hoga !

YoursTruly: Saara Mantralaya issi mein

vyast lagta hai ?

Peon: Humse puchiye mating se toh

Mantralaya chalta hai !

YoursTruly: Aur kisi ko kaan-o-kaan

khabar nahi hui aaj tak ?

Peon: Hum khabar lagne nahi dete ! Jab

tak Mantriji naa kahein !

YoursTruly: Mantriji kab kehtein hain

keh do ?

Peon: Jab unhe kisi se mating nahi karni

hoti ?

YoursTruly: Aisa karne se theek karte

hain ?

Peon: Unki patni bhi yeh kehti rehti hain ?

YoursTruly: Kya ?

Peon: Jo mangta hai mating, usi se kyun

kar leto ho mating ?

YoursTruly: Mantriji se keh dena aaya

tha ?

Peon: Theek sahib, koi sandesh ho ?

YoursTruly: Yeh bhi, ki hum 120 crore

kyun hain !!

(On reachingoffice, the Editor: Did the

MEETING go well ?

YoursTruly: No Sir ! His MATING

was going so very well !!)

(Above is a Political Satire by Aroon Sharma. This is from SME World Magazine (JAN 2011). Original Copyrights with the publisher and writer.)

Looking for the right excuse

26 May

Looking for the right excuse

This is the first warning sign that a project is in trouble. Sometimes it even begins before the project does.

Quietly, our subconscious starts looking around for an excuse, deniability and someone to blame. It gives us confidence and peace of mind. [It's much easier to be calm when the police car appears in your rear view mirror if you have an excuse handy.]

Amazingly, we often look for the excuse before we even accept the project. We say to ourselves, "well, I can start this, and if it doesn’t work perfectly, I can point out it was the …" Then, as the team ramps up, bosses appear and events occur (or not), we continually add to and refine our excuse list, reminding ourselves of all the factors that were out of our control. Decades ago, when I used to sell by phone, I often found myself describing why I was unable to close this particular sale–and realized I was articulating these reasons while the phone was still ringing.

People who have a built-in all-purpose excuse (middle child syndrom, wrong astrology sign, some slight at the hands of the system long ago) often end up failing–they have an excuse ready to go, so it’s easier to back off when the going is rough.

Here’s an alternative to the excuse-driven life: What happens if you relentlessly avoid looking for excuses at all?

Instead of seeking excuses, the successful project is filled with people who are obsessed with avoiding excuses. If you relentlessly work to avoid opportunities to use your ability to blame, you may never actually need to blame anyone. If you’re not pulled over by the cop, no need to blame the speedometer, right?

(Courtesy: Seth Godin’s blog. No doubt all his posts are absolutely realistic and make you think hard about realities of life, businsess, work, ethics, thinking, human nature, decision making, responsibility, ability and various other aspects. This one about excuses makes you truly go back to your earlier life and think when you must have created excuses and used them to hide your failures and avoiding responsibilities)

Revenue generated by mydala offer where you get a chance to win 1.5 ton AC – Approximate Calculation

26 May

Recently the group-buying sites in india have started putting up offers like the following

Buy this offer for company X, at Rs.RR and buy yourself a chance to enter a contest to win product P

Buy this offer for company X, at Rs.RR and buy yourself a chance to enter a contest to win product P, at a discounted price

Now this is simply a strategy to get more eyeballs to enroll for a lottery contest. Nothing is wrong here, ethically, logically and legally it is very much correct way of getting more people to buy into this lottery.

You don’t really get the item. Agreed that investing amount X in this offer and it doesn’t yield, you get a “gift certificate” of equal amount that can be redeemed atht esame website.

So 1/2/3 people may win this product based on a lottery system.

Now this kind of offer is not really group buying and is an intelligent way to generate revenue and possible attract new users.

I just tried to work on the revenue aspects of this offer based on some assumptions.
Now this itself is very much like a lottery. Group buying websites actually running a lottery model in garb of group buying offers may or may not be ethical, but who cares

So at this moment, May 26, 2011 exactly 3.26 pm, there are 504 instances of this deal that were bought.
Following is my analysis and the revenue the website will make based on some assumptions

Price

 INR                            99.00

Number of buys

504

Total money received from deal sale

 INR                    49,896.00

Actual cost of product

 INR                    25,000.00

Actual price of prioduct

 INR                    30,000.00

Number of give aways

1

Cost of giveaway

 INR                    30,000.00

Cash accumulated (cash that will go no where)

INR 24,896.00

Total buyers who have been awarded 990 points

503

Equivalent points awarded

497970

Validity of the points

60 days

Hit ratio (Ratio that users will utilize the 990 points in next 60 days)

70%

Buyers utilizing the 990 points each

352

Deals getting sold post the offer for redemption of 990 points

Deal Price

%age share of the deals getting sold

Number of buyers utilizing specific deal and using 990 points

Revenue from deals

Assuming margin of  5%

Buyers buying deals worth 99

 INR                            99.00

30%

105.63

 INR                   –  

0

Buyers buying deals worth 199

 INR                          199.00

30%

105.63

 INR    10,563.00

 INR           528.15

Buyers buying deals worth 299

 INR                          299.00

30%

105.63

 INR    21,126.00

 INR        1,056.30

Buyers buying deals worth 399

 INR                          399.00

10%

35.21

 INR    10,563.00

 INR           528.15

 

 

 

 

 

 

Total

 

 

 

 INR                                         2,112.60

TOTAL

 INR  27,008.60